so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You ruined the universe
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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