After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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