i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
