there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
