she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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