dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
