glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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