I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
