I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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