Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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