Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
