Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
