I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
