Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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