The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
