If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
