but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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