Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
