don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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