Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
