I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
