bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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