so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
