i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
