I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
