Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
