Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize