you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
