I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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