the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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