you guys were way drunker than both of me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
