its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
