I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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