Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
