I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
