A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
