Dude my mom stole all your condoms
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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