she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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