The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
