i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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