everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
