Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
