I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
