last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
