I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
