I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
