oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
