Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
