living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
whose parrot is this?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
you never un-have a 4some
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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