3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
