Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
