i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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