I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
