My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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