I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
