He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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