I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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