I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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