I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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