Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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