hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
