your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
