This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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