You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
