he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
