he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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